Old Habits Die Hard

Week 3

For seven months leading up to April 24, 2010, I was my mother-in-law’s primary caregiver. My father-in-law’s as well but my journey with him was significantly longer. Mom battled many chronic illnesses most of which were lung and heart related. Having suffered from chronic asthma since early childhood, she never smoked. She spent the last week of her life on a ventilator, a result of end stage Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). I was with her through the day and a half after they removed the machinery except for monitoring vitals. I watched the horror of a long, hard death. When she was gone, I couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital so I left the paperwork to my husband as I quickly went outside.

As a heavy smoker for more than 30 years, I can tell you the need for nicotine was overwhelming. I craved it the way an alcoholic craves alcohol, the way a sex addict craves sex, the way a drug addict craves drugs. Never for a single second did I relate what I had just witnessed to the cigarette in my hand. Never for a second did I hesitate to light that cigarette and inhale deeply, standing not 20 feet from a prominent “No Smoking on Hospital Property” sign. With tears pouring down my face as I began to call the family and notify them, I sucked on that cigarette as if my life depended on it.

At the beginning of March 2012 I was blessed, though many would disagree, to be with my grandmother as her life ended. She, too, was a victim of COPD and had never smoked a day in her life. COPD deaths are excruciating to watch. I wish I could say that somehow losing them both this way was the catalyst I needed to help me quit smoking. It would be more accurate to say that my grandmother’s death planted a seed.

On April 24, 2012 I ran out of cigarettes early in the afternoon. This is something that hadn’t happened in quite some time as I bought them by the carton (an effort to save money). When I got to the convenience store, it looked as if half the construction workers in town had stopped to grab lunch. There were a ridiculous number of people in line ahead of me. While I waited my turn, I looked around, my eyes caught by the electronic cigarette display. The date jumped into my thoughts. The display became more intriguing as I moved closer to the counter.

When the cashier asked to help me, I was shocked to hear myself say, “I want a regular light electronic cigarette starter kit and a pack of refills, please.” I walked out the door and that was it. I went from being a smoker to not just that quick. I made the switch to the ecigarette quite easily. I loved that it looked like a cigarette but it wasn’t. No smoke, no fire, no ash, no offensive odor. Typically, the liquid consists of vegetable glycerin or propylene glycol, or a combination of both substances. It also includes food-grade flavorings and nicotine extract. In other words, you are smoking vapor.

After a couple of months, I wanted to find a way to step down the amount of nicotine I was getting. I heard about a new shop that carried anything I could need. I was fascinated by the variety of shapes, styles and colors of electronic cigarettes they carried. My mind was boggled at the variety of flavors. I decided to invest in top of the line equipment, choosing the one LEAST resembling a cigarette. I sampled a couple of flavors before purchasing a 12 mg (meaning 12 mg of nicotine) Razzleberry. It's fruity flavor nothing like a cigarette.

A couple of months and countless flavors later, I stepped down to 6 mg. This week I will hit my 9 month anniversary of giving up tobacco. I alternate between vaping 3 mg and 6 mg. I have cut my monthly expenses in half. I no longer wheeze at night. I can go up and down stairs without being short of breath. My senses of taste and smell are much sharper than they were six months ago. I have only had two colds since I made the switch and the cough I had was less severe than I am used to. The duration of the cold much shorter.

I hope to be able to eventually say that I have effectively weaned myself off nicotine. I am proud of how far I've come so far. I can honestly say I don't miss cigarettes at all and there isn't the slightest bit of temptation. I've heard it said that old habits die hard. I'm doing my damndest to kill mine, one old habit at a time.