The Grand Adventure

Week 34


In a little over a week, I will embark on a grand adventure with my mom. Her goal since being diagnosed with cancer (she was given 6 weeks to live) has been to get healthy enough to go on a long road trip. 13 months, a full course of heavy duty radiation, a couple of rounds of chemo, pneumonia twice, several bad falls, and a full knee replacement later, we are soon to be on our way.

I pray this will be a restful trip for her, a chance for her to feel real peace deep inside her soul, a chance for her to heal her spirit, without the weight of day-to-day stresses and illness pulling her down. I want her to be surrounded with love and light and laughter. I want her to be with people who genuinely want to be with her. I want to make memories with her that will last a lifetime.

We will find resolution in some instances… with some people… in some places from the past… I hope. We will eat junk food and health food. We will shop for silly souvenirs and postcards. We will listen to music we both like. We will attempt to cross things off each of our bucket lists.

We will celebrate her birthday on the road. It will be a real celebration for her and only her! We will celebrate and rejoice in the fact that we are together and we are both LIVING!

I hope that in the course of things, as we drive along… we will talk… we will share… we will laugh… we will cry… we will respect… and we will love. For two weeks I will be on the road with my mother and I couldn’t be happier at the prospect.

This is My Honest Place

Week 33



Have you ever known that disaster was eminent? Have you ever known that life as you know it is about to end?
I have.
I do.
It is.

I am already wishing it was all over. But, I apparently have to ride this ride for a while.
I don’t have to need a ticket. I don’t have to want it. I don’t have to like it.
I just have to live with it… for now.

I think of all the changes that will occur in the foreseeable future and I shudder. I have spent my entire life taking care of others. I have spent my entire life wishing someone would want to take care of me.

Wow! Seriously, I can’t believe I just said that. But, I am going to let it stand as pure honesty. This is my honest place. This is the only place I have left in my life that it’s safe to melt down. I am definitely in melt-down mode. Not that I will allow that to happen, because I won't. I kind of just wish I had the luxury of being able to do it.

In the upcoming weeks, there will be many changes in our lives. Our boarder/roommate/adopted son/friend is moving to California for the next 6-7 months. Our oldest daughter, her husband, and 1 ½ year old daughter will be moving in temporarily until they can secure jobs and a place to live. Our son has no clue if he is moving home or not.

In the midst of it all, I am trying to help my mom plan the “bucket list” trip she so desperately wants, and needs to take. If I am lucky, I will be crossing off a couple of things on my own “bucket list” along the way.


Dear Lord,
I need your help now more than ever. Please help me find the strength I need to face the dawn of tomorrow… and the sunset, too.
Please help me to ALWAYS love unconditionally, even if I have to draw from the darkest corners of my being.
Help me to be the best me I can be because…
I am,
Justme

Holey Memories

Week 32

I have piercings.In fact, I have a lot of piercings. I have 51 that I am positive about. But to be honest, there may be more in my left ear than I am seeing. It's kind of hard to tell unless I take them all out, a chore that is daunting at best. I have 1 in my nose, 1 in my eyebrow, 4 in my belly button, 5 in my right ear and at least 40 in my left ear. Several years ago, I started losing earrings and couldn’t afford to replace them. I gradually took many more out. I finally found the type of earrings I was looking for at a reasonable price. I bought as many of them as I could find, which involved going to three stores in two states to find them. My goal is to fill every hole before my 50th birthday which is coming all too soon!

Something most people don’t know is that my piercings are my way of commemorating significant milestones and memories in my life and those of loved ones. There are births and deaths, special birthdays and graduations from high schools and colleges, weddings and even a divorce or two. I have baptisms and confirmations, personal achievements and a couple I did just for fun.

Two weeks ago, I got a new piercing. My niece, age 15, wanted to get her first cartilage piercing. I wanted to get my tragus done so I agreed to take her. I am so glad I did. One of the most memorable afternoons of my life was a direct result of that promise. My mother and my sister agreed to go with us. By the time we left the house, my mom had decided to get both of her ears pierced with a second hole. I was delighted that 3 generations of women in my family were getting pierced together. Much to my surprise, my sister even joined in on the fun and got a new hole in the top of her ear. It was the first time in such a long time that my mother, my sister and I had even remotely gotten along. It was nice.

As I diligently clean and turn my newest earring several times a day, I pause for a brief moment as my ear burns like fire (this particular piercing is going to be a very slow healer). But I digress. I realize I am thankful for my wonderful, crazy memories. And, as crazy as they can be, I am thankful for my family. If truth be told, without them, I wouldn’t be me.

Road Trip

Week 31

Last night, we met with many of his old friends for a birthday celebration (his friend John’s birthday) in New Orleans. I rarely feel comfortable at such events but I knew how important it was to Richard that I be there. I went and it was more fun than I thought it would be. That’s the problem with social anxiety, things rarely turn out as bad as your mind tried to make them beforehand.

The only bad thing about it at all was an old girlfriend of his that kept going out of her way to remind me that they had once been together. In retrospect, it’s totally laughable. I truly couldn’t care less about things that happened so many years ago. Or even so much about what the future may hold. I just plain found her to be annoying and not very bright. But I will say she was sort of nice.

That being said, I met several very nice people. I got to see some I’ve met before and really like. So, all-in-all, I would say it was a lovely evening.
Now, we are travelling our way slowly home. Doing something we rarely do, we are both playing nice and on our best behaviors. We will spend the night here in Gulf Shores, Al. This week is short and sweet, kind of like me. Lol. It is time for me to flyyyyyy…